Do you wanna be my boyfriend?

That sounds like a certain pop song but that's what on my mind.
When I look at Jason,I realised it must be a tough day job to be my boyfriend.(Not that I am trying to make it easier as I realised it.)

Cos' Jason has to make time for his trainings(which he kicked for a certain ang moh club,with no pay @ SCC now) at least once a week for training and Sunday for match, 3 days for his part time sales job(which he is doing quite a good job,I admit) and me , and his family!
So sometimes I may have to split the time I have with his family if possible, which I am not exactly happy of sometimes.

To conclude:
7 days a week, his new schedule.

Monday morn:NS.
Monday evening:Work.

Tuesday morn:NS.
Tuesday evening:Meet me for a short while before soccer training.

Wedesday morn:NS.
Wednesday evening:Work.

Thursday morn:NS.
Thursday evening:Soccer. (But may have to work if I 'wish' (My wish is often his command, if defy will result my sulkings)

Friday morn:NS
Friday evening:Work (Unless I wanna meet him which lately I wanna do so...attention craving??)

Saturday: Me (Hopefully no family events cropped out, if not it would be me & his family)

Sunday morn:His mum.
Sunday evening: Soccer match.

---------------------------------

Where's Jason's life? All badly occupied by NS, soccer,work and me.(I have to emphasize that I think I stand very lil' part though)

I often ask him if he feels tired? Even if he has a rest day,he will go out and do something to occupy it. Given it if it were me, I would grab use of any free space and hibernate. But Jason simply won't.

And because he knew he has lil' time for me, he will try his ways to make it up to me in other ways like accomodating to my needs and wants,spoiling me like a rotten 5 year old.(And I still upset him sometimes)

I'm not saying that I am not a good girlfriend. I just think he is doing a better job though there are times I am upset. But come to think of it, I am mostly upset cos' I can't have his time.
So I'm not sure if I am being petty and not understanding.

Back to today(Tuesday), his schedule is meet me for a short while before going to SCC for training.
Being the good gf,I thought of making something light but filling for him.(Potato salad is the answer) Despite being sick (Injured stomach and still feeling injured now), I made it to NTUC and returned home battled.

I realised part of the reason I never learn to be a good chef (or at least something presentable in the kitchen) has to do with my chef dad. Whenever I thought of whipping something, he will do it for me when he wants to demonstrate. I'm not complaining. ;)

Why am I digressing??

So before parting,Jason received a call pertaining work.While he is answering, his bus came along and he had to leave.
USUAL practice is he would give me a light peck on the cheeks but he totally forgot and was SO engrossed in the conversation, he just briefly waved his fingers and board the bus WITHOUT looking at me.
Silly me was still kinda waiting for his kiss and I stared at him from where I am. When he saw me(in the bus), I signalled my cheek and showed him a indignant face(And walked off). His expression was "Oops..."

While I take this lightly as a joke(with him saying me leecher and me scolding him scoundrel), I have a light sense of foreboding.
I have lil' doubts of Jason's capabilities when it comes to work. Infact it is what he is capable of doing almost anything that leaves me 'handicapped' whenever I am with him.

I have to be prepared that I can't have all of Jason and I know I can't be selfish enough to hold on to. I have to be prepared that those days with lil' responsibilities like while we were studying (Can you tell me why again from the start, I already started with lil' time with him??) are gone and when he is fully out in the work force,will I have even lesser of him?

I am so insecure whenever it comes to this. Part of me can't deal with having lesser and lesser of the already less Jason and part of me know I have to let go and let this guy have his placings in life. Besides with him doing well, it serves me no less worse.(I would like to think so...)

Maybe you didn't know this, but Jason used to be the Mr Popular in his Secondary days. He is the Jack of all Trades.The Talentiner, the consecutive Sports Champion, the one who scored badly in Prelims yet was still invited to the one of those top JCs for that first 3months and many others(Uh huh, can you believe he is in those Special Stream then??Express streams like us think those who can make it to S.S are NUTS!. (Oh..not to mentioned the no of steadies he had there.)I thought he used up his luck by the time he reached poly

Y'see,tension of opposites come again. I want him to relive the glory and fame cos' I think that is what he is capable of and maybe belong to. And then I think I may not be able to deal with it.

If comes a day Jason is on his peak of success, honestly where would I be? I have to understand that there would be no or lil room for me and I guess the greatness of a woman part is SHE UNDERSTANDS at her own pains.

So this talking comes to no end and I am kinda ahead of my time.

Can you deal with such a gal like me? It's not easy to be my boyfriend, not easy to be Jason.